May 11th, 2004

Current Music: Have a little faith Time: 12:49 am

Procrastination is always why I write. ANyway.. I am finally done with freakin Sr. Project! I get to chill 3rd period for 5 weeks! It feels so awesome! I still can't even believe it! Cruise to Ensenada a week from today... that is gonna be so awesome i can't even wait. Although it's gonna be over so fast (like everything else). Aww... I just love all those people! Sada showcase was hella fun! We had to sit their forever during dress rehearsal and then the performance cuz we were # 28, but it was still fun. All these little-a girls were bustin out fouttes. makes me depressed, but whatev. I can't even tell you how great performing was. Man I'm gonna miss all the performances that i get to do with DC. what am i gonna do next year? It felt so awesome and i just can't even say how much i love it! Graduation in 5 weeks! I'm not even gonna be there for one of them so it'll go by even faster. Jenny and I need to get goin on Senior slide show and I need to set up the camping trip. and convince everyone that they should go to grad night! but it's all gonna be over so soon. i never expected to be this sad about it! I always thought i'd be happy. it's just making me depressed that this whole chapter of my life is ending. There are so many people who i absolutely love and i know that i wont see them again. b/c i dont even hang out with them outside of school now. but i still love them! everything is gonna be so different. i complain about it all but that doesnt mean im not gonna hella miss it!!!! I love my girls so much! I don't enjoy playin mediator so much, but there are worse things. But D and lil. i just love you guys! I love that we can actually talk about everything! nothing is ever permanent either. it's like after we talk about everything, that's it and we're good, and I can't tell ya how much i love that! even with everything being different next yer... everything is still gonna be the same! I love you guys! Damn.. I didn't mean for this to be so long... LOVE

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February 17th, 2004

Current Music: jeff buckley Subject: foreva and day Time: 06:01 pm Current Mood: sick

wow...I can't believe that I'm actually updating!It was like going on 9 months. just shows you how much I really don't want to write my statement of opinion. well...life has been interesting lately. There isn't a lot going on but what is going on is confusing. Some how over the past few months I have managed to get myself into so much drama. And I am really not a drama person, so this has just been all too weird for me. It makes my head hurt and i can't figure out how I ever let things get so complicated. Everything has been calming down though which is good. So things are getting back to normal. Because man that was driving me crazy. huu...so everything on the surface is going good and I really can't complain

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June 25th, 2003

Current Music: jack johnson Subject: 15 every hour Time: 11:08 am Current Mood: cheerful

oh man I am loving summer! It's been so great just not having to worry about actually doing stuff! I am still just lovin that! And I feel good about things that I'm gonna accomplish this summer too! I can't wait til next week cuz I'll get to see my sister! I miss her so much! I can't believe how long it's been since Ive seen her! we are going ot have a whole week in Santa Barbara by ourselves! I can't wait! I'll actually get to hang out with my sister! I'm so sorry Lily that I won't be here to hang out with you! but don't worry! you are gonna have fun because who does'nt want to hang out with Lily on the 4th? I don know? For the most part life is good right now! I feel like I have too much stuff to think about and i just wish that my thought were more clear! but everything is still good! but other than that everything is really good! I just Alright well... I'm working a lot this week! that's good because I have no money and I really could use some! well... I'm gonna go clean my room because seriously I can't even walk in it! I can't eve remember when it's been this bad! so i gotta get on that!

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June 19th, 2003

Time: 08:09 pm

It has'nt hit me that school is almost over. I can't believe that I wont be seeing people everyday that I have seen for the last five years of my life! It's not gonna hit me until next year when we get to school and everything is goning to fee empty! I am going to miss my dance company girls so much! I love you guys and I am truely gonig to miss you! I don't want to have to have to say goodbye to people! man, I am wearing waterproof mascara tomorrow!

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June 6th, 2003

Current Music: natalie- source of the dound Time: 11:33 pm Current Mood: tired

spring celebration actually went really good tonight. I was expecting to be really bad b/c i was so tired. But it wasn't bad. Everything felt kina off the whole night, like it was still a rehearsal. But it was pretty good! Im really sad though cuz I can't picture company without all the seniors! I'm gonna miss them so much. I just can't imagine it. We've been like a family for so long it's gonna be really sad! I love those girls so much though! I just love em. Oh man... my toe nail feels like it got smashed with a hammer. It's because of the point dances that we do and in one of them my shoes are so dead and they hurt my toes so much! I really like that dance though so I just wish it wasn't so painful. Man, I have been listening to the school CD ever since I got it. I'm in love with it. Like seriously. ok well im so tired and i gotta wake up hella early tomorrow and go to a swim meet.

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June 4th, 2003

Time: 11:02 pm Current Mood: nostalgic

This weekend is going to be crraazzay! It's gonna be h-a fun though! I can't wait. I'm really kina nervous about spring celebration though because there are so many dances that still look like shit and I'm afraid that i'm gonna screw up hella bad. Ms. Cala's new point number really scares me cuz my I feel like my shoes are just gonna brake! and then, oh man those modern costumes... I had so much fun last night at the Cd release party. When Katie, me and Allysa got back to my house we seriously listened to that cd like the whole night. and them we listened to it while we got ready thia morning!Why does nik have the best voice ever? but we had so much fun like before the show. we went to macys and like hella did our nails and everything, it was really fun! Everyone did so good last night though! When I go to things like at it always makes me love our school so much and I just forget about everything that really sucks about it. Allysa and I kept thinking about how many of those people aren't going to be here next year and it made me really sad cuz I can't picture school without them. alright well i have to go do my reading jouranl... yeah right

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May 30th, 2003

Time: 10:33 pm Current Mood: lazy

ahh...today was a good day! i got to sleep in! it was nice! i just have too much stuff to do though and i don't want to do any of it. Like those frickin college essays, man, i really don't want to write those! But this weekend will be good, i've got a swim meet tomorrow and then i'm gonna go see earnest and then party at Colin's house(yaya!). ya, so Colin i'll bring some natural soda, how bout that! i haven't updated in forever. it's kinda sad. i just haven't had anything i felt i needed to write about ya know? I still haven't frickin called Isaiah! i will i really will it's jut gonna take a while. I can't explain it, but it's just how it is. Although hopefully i'll get to see him in august so that'll be good. I haven't heard from Laura yet. i hope she's ok. she can't call or anything cuz it's crazy expensive to call from Italy, ya know. but i hope she's having fun. I can't believe her. i want to be like my sister when i grow up. i dont think i could ever do anything like that, i'd be to scared.She's so gutsy i don't know where she gets it from? But me and angel decided that we are gonna travel together, so that'll be ok. alright, well i gotta go! love ya

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May 18th, 2003

Time: 01:13 am Current Mood: disappointed

i got in a lot of trouble tonight. My mom actually wasn't that mad at me but my dad was. see I told him that Earnest would be over by like 10:00 and then we would go get food and be home, but we didn't get home until 12:00 and he still had to drive me and Katie and Allysa out to Rancho Cordova because my car broke again. so my dad is really mad because i didn't have my phone on and so they were all worried and now they're really mad. not a very good situation. but earnest was H-a good! it was really funny. and John looked so cute! and Dustin was so funny. I'm so sad that i didn't get to stay at Katie's house. it was all planned and everything. ah well, later.

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May 8th, 2003

Subject: squgying in the rain Time: 06:26 pm Current Mood: cozy

today was a weird day. It was actually really fun during third period because China and i had to take the history test so we went into Silveira's room and he like wasn't even in there so we just got to talk. I love China! I wish i hung out with her and talked to her more because she's so much fun! But besides that,it was just school. I'm so confused right now! People can be so confusing. I keep hearing a lot from different people and it's really annoying because i don't know if any of it is true. it's really frustrating. I wish i had the courage to just go up and talk to them about it, but it's hard. I'm really going to try though, but i still haven't even talked to Isaiah! I'm really going to but i just keep waiting for the right time and i always make up excuses like oh ya i'm too busy, or i just dont want to. or i'll do it tomorrow which i bull shit. i just need to call that boy! ah, i really miss him. I'm actually happy with my situation right now though. everything is good. Ej asked me to go to the whole earth festival and then go to this coffee place with him after words but my sister is going to be here and were all going to go see my dad sing. so how can i get out of that. and i want to see my dad anyways, he's singing something from fiddler on the roof, how cute. My sister comes tomorrow! i'm so happy! I miss her so much. I wish she could stay though, but she has to leave on sunday. This weather right now is crazy. It's kinda scaring me. There's really loud thunder and it's just scary. I was supposed to life guard tonight too. Ok, well i'm gonna go

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May 4th, 2003

Subject: paid foozball Time: 12:21 pm

ah man, i love my job! The Cabana Club opened yesterday and i was working with Diane. it was so great though because it was poring rain the whole day so who was gonna go swimming? so we sat in the guard room and ate La Bou and talked about everything, and then we had to put together a foozball table which was the most frustrating thing i've done in a while! It had all these pieces and the picture was really hard to follow so we like put some stuff in upside down and then we had to take it out, and it was annoying. and then we had to make signs for open house, but that was all we did for 6 hours! and we got paid. I can't imagine working anywhere i would love more than that. I get paid really good to hang out with my friends and sit and play with little kids. I finished my dress yesterday, well not completely, and actually my mom sewed a lot of it because i'm not that good with a sewing machine. but it's really pretty. now i just have to cut the fabric. I still need shoes though so i'm going shopping today and if i don't find any then i don't know. I really hope Kristian decides to go cuz it just wouldn't be as much without her! aight, well i'm gonna go.

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May 1st, 2003

Time: 11:51 pm Current Mood: sad

i cant wait until next week. my sister is getting here on friday and then shes going to do my air and makeup for prom. i can't wait. i still need to finish my dress though. damn, i better hurry up. and i still need shoes too. i miss my sister so much. it's been really hard for me to get used to her not being here all the time. it's gotten easier since she left but it's still hard. whenever i visit her or she comes up here it feels like she never left and then when she leaves its really hard again. That's why tis tear has been so hard for me and why i was depressed so much. i still can't get used to her not being here for me to talk to on the way home from school to tell her everything that happened that day and everything that bothered me and made me really happy. and we would talk for like an hour every night before we fell asleep. that's what i miss most and not having her to watch friends with and go to La Bou. i hate to think that last year was the last year that i will ever live in the same house as my sister, it makes me want to cry when i think about that. i just really miss her.

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April 28th, 2003

Current Music: Dave Subject: "im gonna drop you like third period french" Time: 06:11 pm Current Mood: cold

i used to love mondays so much because "everwood" is on on monday. Now i hate them becuase i have to go sit in a room with forty year old married couples and learn french for two hours. its great! ya, so today was a great day. for some reason whenever i take those tests all i do is cus in my head while im taking them. like, damn this is such bullshit...i dont give a fuck...i just cant help. i realized that today during the language arts test when we have to read those passages forever and then answer the Qs. i just cant stand those things and i just cant make myself care about them. Actually a fun part of the day was when it started poring and me, Katie, Allysa, and Kim were to all running to class. i dont know, it felt like a movie or something I love those girls! i have to go to french.

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April 20th, 2003

Current Music: my dad watching golf Subject: lover you should have come over Time: 02:59 pm Current Mood: lazy

i dont konw why im so dumb. i need to get over myself and just call isaiah, but i dont have the guts. i just picture him thinking like why the hell is she calling me? and then i get scared and i dont call him. ah, im in love with that boy! why does he have to live so far away though. I dont know why i'm scared, i just know i'm going to be so nervous when i'm talking to him that i'm going to sound hella stupid! ok, but Kristian i'm going to on monday. or im going to try to on monday!

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April 16th, 2003

Time: 08:26 pm Current Mood: happy

i'm just happy right now. some movies just put you in a really good place and make you feel like you can just do whatever ( i hope that made sense!). well, those movies make you happy but st the same time make depressed because things aren't ever going to be that perfect, but there's like a hour after you see it that everything seems perfect and you're just happy! well, that's how i am right now. Although it does make me sad because i don't have a perfect body and a really hot boyfriend, so that's a down side, but i still am in this state, which is just good, and i can't really describe it any better. I'm also really happy because i bought a really pretty shirt today that was cheap and that always makes me happy. tomorrow is my last day in SB which means that vacation is almost over. i don't want to go back to school and have to face everything. it's so long until summer and summer is going to be non-existent this year. it's so short, it's depressing thinking about how it's what you look forward to ever since school stsrts and it's not even two months. they have us for ten months and they won't even give a whole 2. ok, well i'm just getting mad and it's ruining my mood so i'm going to go.

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April 15th, 2003

Time: 08:24 pm

so, i'm in Santa Barbara right now,using my cousins computer. i was so happy b/c today was the most beautiful day and it was supposed to rain all this week. so i went to the beach laid in the sun! oh god, ok, so the day that i got here, which was like...sunday, it was raining and i was unloading stuff from the car and the patio was really slippery and i was going down the steps, carrying one of those glass star-bucksbottles in my left hand.my shoes have like no traction on the bottom, so my foot slipped out from under me and i landed on my hand that was carrying the bottle and it broke everywhere and my butt hit the cement step as i fell. So i have a huge bruise and i cut my hand, but it actually could have been a lot worse. so now it hurts to sit, sleep and walk, but it's getting better, so it's not that bad! i was soooo mad though, because i had just gotton here and i fell, and i wanted to go like jogging and stuff while i was here and now i can't b/c it hurts! Today's Kristian's Birthday! it makes me sad cuz i really wish i was home so we could go out and do something! But I'll just take you out when i get home. So, on Saturday we went out to UCLA to see my sisters show and Arlene was there so i got to hang out with her which was great b/c i haven't really gotten to see her in a few months. But my sister had a piece that she had choreographed in the show and it was really good. it had her and three other people in it, and it was just really good. it made me cry. and then like all the other numbers in the show were really good too! they were all choreographed by the students and they were great! that show made me want to go to UCLA! ok, well i have to go. Love Kt

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April 10th, 2003

Current Music: jazz that my dad is playing in the kitchen Subject: E.J.! Time: 07:35 pm Current Mood: confused

E.J. wrote me an email! i'm so happy! he's that one hack sack guy from Ashland. iwas so happy!ok, but anyways... i just got home and i have to leave already. i really don't want to! i'm like never home and i just wnt to be home for once on vacation so that i can just do whatever and hangout with people. i men i want to see my sister and everything and my grandparents but i just don't want to be there for a week! and it's gonna be raining!ya, well sorry i'm being bring! Another thing, i hate how i never do anything! i wanted to actually do stuff today so that i felt acomplished and ididn't do anything! i was on the computer for a couple of hours and then i watched bad TV and now i'm on the computer againe!oh, well. ok, well i'm gonna go and start packing. That's actually another thing, i haven't even unpacked yet and i have to pack againe. i hate that!

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Current Music: under the table and dreaming Time: 12:50 pm

Kristian and Katie's adventure... wolf dog, being deserted, disgusting gas station bathrooms,exploding dr. pepper. I'm so mad that it's going to rain like all next week! actually i'm not going to be here but it's raining in santa barbara too so it's not going to be pretty to go to the beach. it'll still be fun, but i actually don't really want to go because Laura isn't going to be there and she has been there every time i've ever gone to santa barbara so i won't have her to hang out with. it's gonna be sad! ok, well i'm gonna try to do as much homework as i can today so that i wont have to do it next week!

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April 3rd, 2003

Current Music: none at all Subject: ashland!!!! Time: 12:53 am Current Mood: tired

ya so it's like 1:00 almost and it's really terrible because i haven't even started packing yet. i was talking on the phone with skyler forever and we kept saying that we were gonna get off because we couldn't talk and actually do stuff at the same time, but we just kept talking. it was funny! My kristian, i really missed you today! i meant to call when i got home, but then i had rehearsal and i got caught up in everything! i really wish you were coming tomorrow!but we'll hang out over break! I am so amd that it's like going to snow in ashland! it's supposed to be like all sunny so that we can have pic-nics, ya know! oh well, it'll be great anyways, ok well i'm gonna go pack! "maybe i'm just too young to keep good love from going wrong." -Jeff Buckley

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March 31st, 2003

Subject: french.. what? Time: 09:59 pm

ok, so i just started taking this french class cuz i don't know shit about french and i'm suppossed to take french 2 next year and this class is fuckin 2 hours long. that's a long ass time to take french. and the whole class is like fourty year old married couples and it's just ridiculous. but maybe i'll actually learn french and then i guess it won't be so bad. i'm am so excited about Ashland! were not gonna have school for like 2 1/2 weeks!and skyler you NEED to go!ok! ok, but i actually have to go cuz i haven't started any of my home work yet. love ya

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Subject: i hate working.. Time: 12:19 am

i can't make myself do anything. i just really don't want to do that stupid history assignment. i just can't make myself do it. i got off the phone with skylee like an hour ago and i haven't done anything. it's really hilarious actually because i always do that. i'm like oh ya i gotta go because i'm gonna go work, but i don't work i just procrastinate for ever! it's really bad. i just don't see the point in anything any more and just don't want to do it!ok, well, i'm goona go to sleep and not worry about it til tomorrow! "love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah" -Jeff Buckley

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